Spyder's Poetry Empire - Forum

In Reply to: Reality posted by John MCconnehey

I too seem to have gotten caught up in myself or some sort of strange drama production that no one seems to attend, except for me. I cannot even say I know when it all started and I can’t say for sure that I even think it’s real or imaginary but one thing for sure is that its doing me no good at all. It seems to come in waves and often times it can feel like a huge depression and more often than that, like an anxiety attack where all my nerve endings are stitched on the outside of my skin, that can last a week or more. Like being in the throws and turns of a high speed chase and knowing that any second now I’m about to run out of petrol, but I’m not sure if I’m being chased or doing the chasing because it feels like a bit of both. And all the time I’m hoping that something will give but knowing it won’t ‘cause the miracle cures only come to those who are already well again. I feel like I’m asking someone I don’t know for help but I can’t explain what’s wrong, and besides that, they can’t help anyway. And each day I wake up and it’s just more of the same. When it should be improving something else comes along and I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams, or worse, unraveling, a slow and painful demise that’s very hard to put back together. Bursting would seem easier. To just burst apart, it all coming to an end with one big messy bang, a real crowd-pleaser, would that not be better?
But now I’ve come full circle and find I’m standing face to face with myself. Now I finally can beat this from within. The past and the inevitable are the only two things that we are helpless to control so there’s simply no point in worrying about them. There’s no point trying to remember what the world looked like through childs eyes, same as there’s no point worrying about when your loved ones will die. It’s all going to happen someday and we can all deal with it then. Right now I could be drowning. That’s the worst way to die and it could be the way I’m supposed to go, so until then, this or any other shit is just fine by me.
If you sit in your candle-lit house on the night of a winter power-cut, it doesn’t matter how many times you enter a different room, you will still hit the light switch each time