"Relieved"

released from this hate
and relieved of this fear
denied by the things
that I used to revere
left with myself 
in this prison of lies
no better than those
that i used to despise

too modest, self-conscious
before to begin
uncertainty gone
the depression sets in
for once spoke my mind
just to be turned away
not that i wanted
to be you anyway

lying to myself now
to comfort the pain
my efforts and goals
were no longer in vain
i said and i knew
that i still had my youth
i knew and believed in 
this fucking untruth

but now lies poor out
i believe them no more
realize my fate
as i fall to the floor
the smoke and the blood
intermixed in the air
embody the truth
that this life isn't fair


"Behind the Lies"

tear me down beneath the lies
purge the fear behind my eyes
erase this pain, undo this hate
erase my soul and re-create

redefine my withered brain
so beaten down and wracked with pain
make anew from destitute
your stubborn faith so resolute

realize there's nothing more
too broken up, cannot restore
the hopelessness is setting in
to face myself is to face sin

give it up, throw it away
break it down and make me pay
your halo dims, not besting mine
or anything you thought divine

repermeate and reassess
your own flaws, your sinfulness
erase your mind and redesign
not the same but as benign


"Meek"

sick and tired of all these lies
and all the things that i despise
and watching you watching me die
i fucking turn away
the mourning of this loss bereave
and all the pain i would receive
the people that you would deceive
this ends right here, today

you walked on the souls of the meek
the pitiful, the poor, the weak
they gathered round to hear you speak
the lies you had been taught
they followed you without concern
so blindly they could not discern
the hate that they will now return
and pain that you have wrought

this creation, pure and vain
has now been reduced to a stain
a withered semblance of a brain
embedded in this sin
so worthless, empty, nonchalant
ignoring all the things i want
I fail, like all the minds you haunt
and break as I give in


"The Only Thing She Had"

she hides inside her little room
waiting to be released
she locks the door, just praying that
the pain cannot increase
yet no one wants to free her or
acknowledge that she's there
but so shut off, she hasn't learned
existence isn't fair

hiding in the darkness
so afraid to see the light
she doesn't know what's wrong but she
assumes this isn't right
curled in the corner by the 
petrifying fear
cannot do a thing with out
being called insincere

freedom is a mystery
dependence is the way
self-control is worthless when
you have nothing to say
because she's never happy
she could not know that she's sad
how could she know pain when
it's the only thing she had?


"Bereft"

so broken inside
always running to hide
from the things that you think you'll become
standing staring bereft
at how little is left
of the places you thought you were from
just a pitiful whore
nothing less nothing more
so shallow and living in fear
you were told for so long
that you used to be strong
but too weak now to even adhere

though you know it's in vain
still you smile at the pain
but you know that you cannot survive
and you still disbelieve
all the pain you receive
not enough just to know you're alive
separating your soul
from a mind that's un-whole
you become uncohisive and weak
and your soul has gone black
from this mindless attack
and your future increasingly bleak


"Desolation"

break you with the hand that saw me broken long ago
indifference you fain because you do not want to know
avert your virgin eyes from all the hate you have inside
existence built on lies that you would sacrifice to hide

so defined the fear that courses slowly through your soul
it quickly becomes clear that you intend to be un-whole
the holes are not apparent but you know that they exist
your intentions transparent in the blood they lie betwixt

this burning apparition warns of torturous deceit
continuous attrition while no side has met defeat
this bloody revolution, waged for hate and nothing more
has broke your constitution, lying breathless on the floor

internal desolation acting as if it were bliss
slowly decimating lives you thought you'd never miss
this sorry, broken spirit that you once would have released
now understands you fear it and would sooner be deceased

the blunt realization hits and your rationale cracks
the desperate creation now reduced to ashen black
you knew that your were broken but you tried just to ignore
but now that you have spoken your mouth shuts forevermore

"Weak"

-Author's notes
before you read this, there is something you must understand. This is not intended to be pro-suicide. This is about all the people who act like they have it so bad, and act like they'll kill themselves, just because they want attention. The people who don't stop even for a second to realize that they have it better than most people. The weak-minded fools that make up a surprisingly large portion of the population.

she tried to find redemption but she only found deceit
the painful revelation that her fate was in defeat
beaten out again she had run out of second tries
so she unsheathed the blade and understood what it implies

she sat there contemplating for what seemed like many days
not eating and not sleeping while her fallow mind decays
polishing the blade until she sees herself inside
pain closes in around her and she knows she cannot hide

her stomach slowly turns at thought of silver doused in red
and the bloodstained carpet on which she's imagined dead
her spirit bleeds, so broken she can't force herself to act
to even which would end it all; her shell remains intact

those who she thought she knew so well have now left her behind
and she can't know the reason when there's no reason to find
but now she wants release but thinks there's nowhere left to go
so there she sits alone for she's too weak to strike the blow


"Silent"

breathing in the life of all those who would smother mine
i transcended all their hate and i became divine
no longer beneath them i exerted my control
above them for the first time, for the first time feeling whole

falling down among them, i wish they could know my pain
without their understanding my whole life would be in vain
though I do not know them I don't want to meet their scorn
their stubborn disapproval of this pessimist reborn

tortured by their laughter stabbing deep into my mind
and though their mouths are silent, so their silent taunts defined
they burn under my flesh like there were acid on your lips
my whole world is falling and I just can't come to grips

count the dead and realize the bodies are all mine
realize i've fallen and i'm no longer divine
not a word was spoken not a blow had struck this shell
still I lie here broken in denial of this hell

opened up, examined by myself and many more
psychological autopsy of this broken, bitter whore
wasn't your intention but that was what it became
but here i am in pieces, just one more forgotten name


"Condemned"

you find yourself embarrassed here
with nothing left to say
with so much opportunity 
that you just pissed away
the silent demeanor
reflects the placidness inside
you gave up all you had
you gave up any place to hide

the light of your potential
was snuffed by your fearful hand
the burns and scars were not enough
to make you understand
the pain that this departure wrought
may never be relieved
for turning away all the gifts
you so clearly received

i defy your idiocy
i revoke your free thought
i know that all your fear
has now made all your life for naught
i know what you've become
but i am too afraid to see
I open up my eyes and know
who I condemn is me


"Assert My Rage"

I wish that you could smile 
so I could wipe it off your face
I wish that you stood out 
so I could put you in your place
I wish you had a dream
so I could fuck it up like mine
I wish that I could violate
something you hold divine

I know that I can't break you
because you were never whole
but now there's that much less of you
for me to take control
I wish you had a heard 
so I could hold it in my hand
and tear the rotten flesh enough
to make you understand

I wish I could forget you
and alleviate this pain
eliminate those thoughts 
from deep inside this withered brain
but you are ever-present
like a splinter in my eye
I wish that you could know
how much I wish that you would die

I wish I could assert my rage
and tear your mind apart
but I could never finish
when I can't bring myself to start
I wish I was controlling
and manipulative too
but I know deep inside
that I could never be like you