For My Grandmother

The girl that used to be here with me all the time
She isn't here anymore, she's gone
It makes me sad, what did I do wrong?
The girl that used to make me smile so bright
that I thought it would stay there forever
Ha..I thought with her around I was so clever
She's gone with God, she's not here to make me
smile or even giggle
I now nervously squirm and wiggle...
I love her so much, I wish I could see her and tell
her that I miss her and love her..
She may be watching me right now, sure...
But I want to tell her face to face
How people bug me and get on my case
How people have been cruel to me over the years
How I've cried sooo many painful tears
I don't know what I did wrong to make her leave
Gosh..I wish I could make her see, make her believe
that even though I may have not said it enough
Because I acted shy sometimes, maybe sometimes tough
But if she really wants to know, all she has to do
is look in my heart and see how it flows
It kind of flows in a jerky manner
I don't think there's any cure
I'm never sure of what I can really do...
not sure at all
I really don't know if there's anyone here anymore that
will catch my fall..
I wish she knew the truth
that I love her more each lonely day that passes by
I want to tell her how much she's inspired me
like a famous star but without the money
Just the love to cover the whole family
Dear God I wish she could see....
I don't feel right here on earth without her
smiling her sweet smile
To see her once again I would walk three hundred 
miles....
I know that I should have been there, should have 
said "I love you" but now I realize it's too late
I sit in bed and things go through my mind 
about how I missed the chance to say those special three 
words
You never really know how much those words mean until 
the one your love fades away and never comes back
That's a fact
All I remember is that I love her, I've never missed 
someone so much in my entire life
Taking her away God, not to judge but it wasn't right
Maybe I should have worked harder, maybe strived 
longer...
I don't know what I did to make her leave me 
The pain doesn't go away and neither does the hurt
Like a knotted up T-shirt
I look around and think I had something to do with her 
passing away
But all I can do is sit and cry
Trying to understand why
someone as sweet as her would get up and walk away from 
me...
Why did you have to take her away from me?
I don't know if she'll even know how much I hurt, I'm 
only 16
If she could see me she would cry
I sit here lonely and sigh
I don't want to be here without her
But until there's no more forever
I guess I have to do what I have to do
So I better get a clue
God isn't going to bring her back to us
So I better stop acting like a baby and making a big
fuss
Take care of my mother, love her, and dedicate
my life to her
But for this pain that's still here...
There's no cure...
So I better study hard and just remember that..yes she 
did love me and care for me deeply
I love her and miss her this is what I'm trying to say
But I think I'll be ok...
I just wanted to tell you grandmother that I miss you 
and you will always be in my heart
I wish God hadn't pulled us apart..but I guess he has 
to, that's his job
We're the people, and he's the big nice cop..
So until we meet again you'll be here in my heart always 
and to the end of time...
I love you and I know that you love me too...
You're my best friend, and I know that I do anything, I 
know I can
Love always..
Your granddaughter,
Chauna

Being Alone

Being alone isn’t any fun 
I should know I stopped going outside to look at the sun 
I stopped smiling 
I stopped laughing 
Just tears on my pillow every night
Crying with all of my might
My friends have stopped coming over
They don’t care about me anymore 
I just sit on my bed thinking all day 
Wondering if I’ll be alone or if I’ll even be ok
The phone stopped ringing off the hook
I just sit and read poetry books
My friends whisper behind my back 
Saying this, Saying that 
I wish that they’d stop talking about me 
I wish they could all see 
That I’m just an ordinary girl 
Who wants to be left alone
My boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore
Told me never did
He told me to get out 
And walk back out the door 
I felt sad I felt so much pain 
It hurt so much It was driving me insane
As I looked at the cars rolling by
I realized he was someone else’s guy
He was hers now Not mine I shake my head 
He was one of a kind 
No more kisses 
No more hugs 
No more looking at the stars 
No more looking at the sports cars 
But I realize that life goes on 
But I’m all aloneIn a world of despair
But unfortunately, nobody cares

Why Am I So Light?

Why am I so light, this is what I'm trying to understand
Why am I rejected by people just because
they think they can?
People look at the top of my head all the down
down to my shoes
If I could speak my mind I would tell them they
are all a bunch of dumb fools
The girls roll their eyes and don't want to speak
But all they'd have to do is stay out of the heat
Why am I so light that people have to stare?
They mutter under their breath and act like
I shouldn't care
They make smart remarks that I sometimes
overhear
They think I should ignore their comments or even
walk away in fear
Why am I so light that I'm afraid to talk?
Why am I so light that I'm afraid to even walk?
The boys aren't any different from the rest
But I try to smile, I honestly do, I try my best
I sit at the table listening to my friends
How they all went shopping or went to a dance
I try to be happy for them, I try to laugh
But I get turned around and I head for the wrong path
Why am I so light that I feel tired all the time?
Why am I so light that I think that being just plain me
is a crime?
Why am I so light that boys want to always play with my 
mind
Why am I so light that despite what they say I'm still 
kind?
The words that I try to say get switched around and come 
out all wrong
It's like I'm trying to search for something in a thick 
heavy fog
Why can't I be like everyone else instead of having this 
thing hanging over my head
While trying to fall asleep in my bed
Why am I so light is what I just asked
Hold on, not so fast, I have one more thing to say
I'm not going to let this bother me
I'm going to just sit here and stay
So you people out there that roll your eyes
when you see me walking down the halls
Or when you hear my name being called
You need to take a good look in the mirror
and realize
That you may be bigger than me, yes, bigger in size
But really..if you want to know
You think you're all that because you have the popular 
friends, uh uh, no no...it doesn't work like that
Calling me names, stupid, ugly, and fat
All of you don't have anything to look forward to 
except a bunch of hell
Or something just as worse, being in jail
So stop with the jealous attitude, it don't get you no 
where
Do you think I want to know where you'll be in the next 
twenty years, 
as a matter of fact, do you think I even care?
Please... you better check twice
Whether you'll be on my list
So you ask yourself why did I write this poem?
I wrote it for the people that think they're better than 
me, you know, the pimps...hehe...
Why am I so light? 
Because God wanted everyone to see 
that yes there a word such as bright
And he was right
So what does light actually stand for in my book you may 
ask? 
Well here...let me lift this mask...here it is..
Lovely
Indian
Girl
&
Heart-warming
Teenager

The Woman That Inspired Me

She was a woman of fifteen just like me 
She sang her heart out in her house this is true
She used to be a kid just like me and you.
Her laughter would put smiles on her fan's faces
Sometimes it would make people laugh in other cases 
She would cheer you up if you were mad 
She would comfort you if you were sad 
Her smile is one that you would get to know
in a short while 
Her smile is one that will keep in style 
I laugh at the girls because they get jealous because she is pretty and can sing 
But like Shanice says on her CD "She's just doing her thing" 
So have you guessed who this wonderful person could be?
I'll give you one hint: *Brandy* 

Look My Way

When things don't seem to be going your way
and you're just having an off hand day
Just look my way and I'll make you feel better
When school doesn't seem to be working out right
or when your mother yells at you just in spite
Look my way and you'll see something different
When your friends are bothering you so much you
can't see straight
Just simple things are making you hate, look my way
I have plenty of time on me, I have plenty to say
When your books spill out of your backpack and
the teachers are shouting at your for no reason
Look my way and you'll see a different season
When your letters of apology don't get to your
friend on time or when the person of your dreams
fades away, just look my way, I'll cheer you up
I'll smile kindly and ask "What's up?"
If you're hair is messed up from the wind or if
if you just don't feel right I'll be right there
Just sit tight...
I'll make your gloomy days fade away
If you want me to I'll even do it today
Just look my way, you'll see I'm here 
everyday....
Just look my way

My Stuffed Animal Tiger

One thing I can count on is my Tiger being there
He doesn't talk back, he doesn't stare
He just sits quietly and listens to me
While I'm looking at him and petting him softly
He's been there ever since I was a little kid
Sitting on the couch watching cartoons all day
I used to complain a lot but he never had 
anything to say
I used to tell him about the kids who wanted to beat
me up
How they wanted to take my shoes, clothes, and stuff
He would sit there quiet as a mouse
While me and him were sitting in the house
When I came home from school I would go back in my room
All my attention would go to him
I would walk in my room looking sad and grim
Tiger would be sitting upright like he had been
waiting for me all day
He knew even if he wasn't I would tell him
about my terrible day anyway
Through tears and pain
He was always there when it used to rain
I would have him beside me holding him close
While mom would be in the kitchen fixing jelly and
toast
I used to take Tiger outside almost everyday
Now I'm too embarrassed, I'm turning 16
in a few weeks anyway
This is how I want it to be just me and him talking
all day
Now matter if people think I'm crazy or insane
I know one thing though; I'll still have him with me
when I'm walking around with a cane
He'll be old and tattered
But my heart won't be shattered
Because he'll be with me until the day I die
I sit here and sigh
He's my friend; I don't want this friendship to end
Whoever said a stuffed animal couldn't be your friend
They're a big fat liar...
It’s always going to be just me and my stuffed animal 
*Tiger*

My Voice {Part 1} 

When I try to speak with words, they only come
out in a tiny whisper
I look at my friends and try not to cry
Wondering how my voice could sound
so much like a child
Better yet, why?
I'm afraid to speak on the answering machine
In fact I hate those things, not to be mean or anything
I'm so shy around teachers, I feel like I'm all by myself
trying to make my voice sound the way it's supposed to
But it's not working, it's not doing what it's supposed 
to do
I sit in history class praying that my history teacher
doesn't call on me
Afraid that all the attention will be on me
I can never look a teacher or a friend straight in the 
eye
I look at the ground or I look around and sigh
I'm very shy I must confess
But I can't say I don't try
I do my best
My mother is the only one that hears me
but even she has a hard time figuring out
what I'm trying to say
I try to stay out of everyone's way
Attention is not what I crave
I just want everyone to like me 
I'm not the kind of person to cause trouble
or one that gets into fights
I'm the kind of girl that likes to go shopping
and to see the wonderful different sights
But at the same time I'm not a goody two shoes either
Maybe I need to just sit down and take a breather
If I did I think I'd feel better
Even when I was a little kid I had a hard time
communicating to someone
If I tried, I'd run
I was so scared that I wouldn't talk
People thought I couldn't speak
but some people thought I was unique
I've never gotten over that
I still don't talk much
But my friends do all the talking and such
Speaking about their boyfriends or they're crush
Teachers strain to hear my tiny, child-like voice
Well, I'm sorry, speaking the way I do
wasn't my choice
I stopped crying a long time ago
I let my feelings finally show
It's about time that I be taken seriously
Speaking in tones that no one can hear
Afraid to speak, walking around in total fear
I watch the kids who are smaller than me;
I listen and hear them talk normally
I try to voice my opinions...
But it seems like people are always the ones
that are making the decisions
Why can't I tell people how I feel...
I want to tell them that the hurt and pain that is
inside of me is real
I've always sang in the shower letting my vocals
echo through the empty bathroom
No one is listening so I'll continue is what I
always assume
My voice has carried me this far
Should I stop?
Should I cut it short?
Should I just let my voice be my judge
I've decided I'm not going to hold a grudge
So far my voice hasn't had to repeat what I've
just said
Or what I've just read
My voice can't travel any more than a few feet away
If I want to say what I need to say 
I have to say it when the person is near
I despise my voice my dear
My voice doesn't let people know that I mean or
what I say
I don't feel like I should stay
This voice troubles me so much
When people get mad my heart gets crushed
I can't tell people how I really feel
My lips are sealed over this deal
My voice isn't strong, I think it's unfair,
It's so wrong
I can't even sing the lyrics to one to one of my 
favorite songs
This thing got a hold of me so tight that I can't hardly 
breathe
It crawls and creeps
Whispering my name while I'm asleep
Testing me, trying to see if I'll be fragile and break 
down and let it win
Succeeding every single time
It makes me toss and turn at night
Cutting off my words, choking them with all it's might
When I wake up in the morning I can't hardly speak
Making me stumble in a daze and making me physically weak
I go to school trying to say what's going on
But I can't, something is wrong...it's taking my words 
right out of my mouth
It's taken my symbols and mixed them up
It was leaving my voice in total corrupt
I couldn't make a sound, it had tied a knot around my 
throat in a tight hold
Making it feel as if someone's hands were wrapped around 
my neck which were ice cold
When I try to form words they come out as soft as can be
My voice carries a little ways then gets trapped by the 
wind
I truly think I speak no louder than a three year old kid
I hate going to school every day and being afraid of
what my friends will say
It's hard knowing that you're a soft spoken child
and that one's temper is very mild
It feels like this thing is tearing me apart
I was a quiet kid right from the start
Should I sit down and let it take over?
Or should I stand and just be sober?
With this voice of mine it makes me sick
Is this some kind of stupid immature trick?
Why did I have to get stuck with a voice that can't say 
things loud enough to be heard?
This voice is totally absurd
I have to repeat myself 2 or 3 times a day
It makes me mad, I wish this old, run down voice would 
just go away
I have to write down everything I feel
showing people that my words are real
I don't know when this voice began tearing me down
Cutting off every sound
Having friends that have to wear hearing aids to help 
them hear me
Chatting and talking, not knowing I'm there
I look down thinking this is so unfair...
Trying not to shed a tear
This voice is always keeping me alert so I won't let 
myself go
It's always here
Why can't I be like other girls, the ones that can scream so loud
that they're voice will break glass
Why can't I do that, instead of reliving my past?
I guess I'm just here to be here I guess
So I'm going to sit and silently take a rest...
To Be Continued......

My Voice {Part 2} 

Being silent all the time is my number one rule
But when you can't be heard it's kind of cruel
My vocals don't want to cooperate with my voice 
box
When I say something I blush because it sounds 
like two scratchy rocks
Can't be too sure if my friends will talk about 
me behind my back
Or will they write "Your voice is terrible" on 
my backpack?
I can't do anything to upgrade this piece of 
voice of mine
When I try to explain something to someone
I feel like I want to hide or run
They look really confused, "Huh?" is what they say
I try not to get mad but I can tell that I'm 
going to ave a terrible day
Is this why as a child I hardly ever spoke?
Or is this why as a teenager I'm still being 
embarrassed and poked?
Oh well I guess I should be grateful, my voice 
might ot be much but it's still a tool.
So I'll appreciate what I have even though I cry 
sometimes
Sometimes I get mad and sometimes I sigh
But I know no matter what I'll have my voice 
until the day I die. 

All writing © to author listed here.