"thicker than distance"

sometimes we wear masks to the table
when we lie or pretend we are invincible, invisible
or maybe simple;
but our beauty as this tiny world, this family,
is this never ending bond between souls
that makes us friends.

it may not be like how it was, but how it is
provides picture perfect opportunity to love,
to lose, to find again
who we are as people, who we are as family.
and that itself is our universe.
each of us our own star
shining on, loving on our related heavens.

"this is not a poem"

"i am tired of giving myself away"
when i gripe or complain
or make the mistake of saying
what i feel at any given time
always
it comes back to haunt me.

so this is not a poem
therefore i cannot betray
my innermost thoughts
or me most intimate me
and you will never know how i feel
and that i love you still

even though you say you miss me
and i say i am doing fine
(which in fact is true)
you will never hear or read my words again
because i am not devoted
and this is not a poem

this is not a poem
and i am not the best lover
you have ever had or will ever no
i cannot sing i have no voice
inside my fractured passions
there is not one single thing
that means more else than anything
and this is not a poem that i never wrote.

"the unmercy of the sea"

life upon the planet earth
press delete
is written in pencil
not etched in stone or writing ink

our wonder achievements are paper
for example
the ship "God could not sink"
was swallowed by the unmercy of the sea

and the sea is no more than a thought i think
of the original and only
because it's a tiny drop
on a small stone in a microscopic galaxy.

"staring at the ceiling"

you said
i don't think you see you like i see you
you said
i wish you could see you through me
you said
so you could see who you are

i said
i am said inside

you said
i don't think you see you like i see you
i said
i am a prisoner
you said
you are an angel
i said
am i?
you said
i wish you could see you through me
i said
are you a window?
you said
i am a mirror

"ocean me"

i can't even express the immensity
there are no measures for the deep blue sea
this expanse of saline amazes me
your diversity
your creativity
i am talking to the one who invented existence

is it true we hurt you so deeply
you made the oceans
to fill with your tears
and then made them so they defined beauty?
i find it fitting
that more life lives
in the substance of your sorrows than the air

and the quality the infinite fluidity
of the creatures
of the underwater realms
as they fly up and down and all around me
flourishing even though
i cage them so
i can see them at night or day to maintain

ocean me

"no rest for the wicked"

in the oasis i called my dreams
i was surprised to see you there
and you were walking on the water
with magic in the air.
still, i can't conceive
why you make me bleed,
i hate you and i love you
your face is haunting me.
so i put upon these masks we wear
to prove i can't be harmed,
but never will you say you love me
or just how proud you are.
and so it is, i close mine eyes to cry
for while i'm awake i just exist, it's
because i love you i hope you hate me
it would save you feeling this.

"dyslexic love"

i am very romance in the mood for
wishing here, where i think you should be you are
reaching for the one i am knowing that you love
kissing tears from eyes that i see you with

our ears understand what we say out loud
as we listen to our duncan sheik "barely breathing" song
looking into your soul that belongs to me
i see only what you let me which is everything

talking to your spirit using fiber optic tools
shouting in my silent way what my daydreams are
i am much liking more than our attractions or
our inconsistent constitution; promises we love to break

the music stays on repeat so we can cover new ground
reaching farther to discover we've never been this close
searching and acting on positive energy
i hope i understand me as well as you do

"rigid even"

see brick and sort of oak cheap imitation of a home
or house like structure but
there's no institution here
no friends no family no free enmity
just a square building standing very still

"our sea"

are you a coin? can i put you in my pocket and hide you safe
from everyone's hands but my own
still scared that my sandpaper skin will tarnish your shiny
outside self and ruin your un-metallic insides.
the air here is warm without you
but it smells alone
it stinks of vacant, and
i am left in wooden house calling long distance
to a strange man's home.

i rehearse "please sir, like me,
love me, your daughter does
she says she needs me sometimes naked
but mostly clothed and smelling close."
and i think "i'm so near to our ocean
but i count the days until
work again, not enough sleep again,
too much to read again, ways to sin again
days until your daughter's arms."

All writing © to joshua?.