i breathe in your blood
and drink in your soul
i taste in your veins
and sweat in your woes
i fall in your voice
and swim in your eyes
i crawl in your skin
and drown in your lies
i live in your mouth
and die in your hands
i swell in your touch
and rip in your glands
i scream in your thoughts
and cut in your shame
i dance in your laugh
and sigh in your pain
i wish in your eyes
and long in your taste
i smell in your hair
and rejoice in your face
i pray in your life
and read in your dreams
i drive in your hopes
and stitch in your means
i kill in your desire
and revive in your breath
i reach in your heart
and end in your death
i feel inside you
and burn in your lips
i dream in your mind
and melt in your kiss...



rejection

the cause and effect of high school neglecting

how it helped to F*ck me up in the weirdest way
and how it still effects me even up to this day

with all these people telling me i wasn't worth sh*t
im just a freak, a dirt bag, a nonconformist

and it haughty me still now with everything i do
i hate myself because i think i should be like you

i am worth absolutely nothing, you helped me realize that
by saying over and over im disgusting and ugly and fat

which leads me to the next chapter:
reflection

i should just cover my face for everyone's protection

then i'll starve myself till there's nothing left to see
i'll be thin, and respected, a f*ckin american made beauty

won't you accept me then if i just remain unfed?
it doesn't matter to you that im already half dead

maybe then someone will fall in love with me
because we all know it's the looks that matter, not personality

god i hate the fact that i can't relate to this
society, people, your so-called eternal bliss

which brings us to the last chapter:
redemption

saving ourselves from eternal damnation

the questioning of god and his existence inside my mind
and why he always finds away to f*ck me over time after time

a step daddy who hates me, a real daddy who up and left
i've slit my wrists, i've swallowed pills, and still i've cheated death

why do you want me to suffer god, or anyone else to either
aren't we all your love, your children? or do you feel we are neither

or are you some glorious lie that people helped to create
a place to turn to, a place to escape

so is there really a heaven where all the beautiful people go?
i'll assume i'll never know
because im sure the place you picked for me god, is far far below...


never feed the hunger
watch as i fade away
the image that's so important
the image i must convey
why the need to fit in
the american made beauty
is it worth all he emptiness
or the love you lost in me
i cry the tears on the inside
while my smile remains plastered on my face
no thanks, i'll pass on that next meal
but, oh how i'd die for a taste
watch as i fade into nothingness
don't worry, i don't feel any pain
even the bruises on my skin
no longer feel the same
my sunken eyes are tired now
god they look so sad
i remember how they used to shine
how they used to be so glad
what a sacrifice to make
to fit into the human race
never feed the hunger
god im such a waste...


do i exist inside your mind
do you think of me from time to time
or am i just a faded memory
lost in your heart, alone and empty
just as brief as a passing wind
with out an ending, or a place to begin
a photograph that is torn and frayed
the decaying of memories made
but in my mind i can not erase
the thoughts of holding you, adoring your face
saying goodbye to the past is hard to do
but harder still is denying i love you
but as time passes, so do we
no longer can i live in your memory


dear love,

i never had you
so how can i miss you
how can i cry for you
how can i ache for your touch

i don't know
i just do

i can't stop needing you

dear love,

why couldn't i tell you
why couldn't you see
why was i so quiet
you deserved to know
but i was too scared

im sorry
im so sorry for being me

dear love,

you never knew i watched you
and wished that i was her
you never knew what i felt
how i wish you to know me

but i was too selfish
and you were too blind

dear love,

can you miss something you never touched

because i miss you love...


i fell apart today
it was just a matter of time
no one will notice anyway
my pieces are not worth to find
i think about you every day
ever since you went away
i cant seem to erase your face
the time we spent is just a waste
because you don't remember anyway
if you did, you would not have strayed
but you left without looking back
...you left without looking back


everything tucked away
rotting inside my world
all neatly patched and stored away
with out a thought unfurled
while i live, do i matter
when i die, am i loved
my spirit carried to heaven or hell
escorted by crow or dove
too much pain to go on living
too much fear of finally dying
yet the louder the screams of hate are getting
the constant sound of crying
and innocent look on the outside
yet a lonely, cold place within
a person crying for help
yet refusing to let love in
an empty mind for an empty soul
never letting joy stay
for everything is tucked away
rotting inside my world
all neatly patched and stored away
without a thought unfurled