"Glow Of Eternity"

I see the glow of my eternity
in the grin in your eyes
The coke bottle room
and paranoia hum
wonder if I used this tape
for suicides fate
could it really work
beer cap on the ceiling
and mind in blur
how did I get here
should I look for reverse
I wanna know the future
throw away the cards
I'm not perfect
yet are you saying you are?
I'm caught in angst
yet wallow in depression
I grimace with anger
and growl satisfaction
what trick do you see
Coming out this bag
maybe I'm too tired 
subconscious playing my reality
wonder if I sleep 
could my dreams be my sanity
wonder if the jack will ever pop up
always when you turn your head
the clouds disappear
there's the hum again
inspiration
melted into
desperation
the quirk you gave
only led me to despair
the people alive
are only dead
the souls around
are sucking you in
I want to let you go
make tomorrow be another day
make yesterday
and my thoughts of the sign
just slither away
can I become my dreams reality
my subconscious wants and needs
can you hand me over some red dog
I need something to ease
the bubbles ring in my stomach
want to help me catch em
w-b k-a-n-a-c
here is there
somewhere
give me a wish
genie pop right up
hearts in folders
eyes on you.. hum
the parenthesis
make me Rigamortous like
terror in my shake
as you look me up and down
just one kiss
just one fuck
that's all you got?
why do you grin
and tie things together
my shirts in holes
couldn't fix it
cord around my neck
as it begins to ring
knife across my chest
as I desperately cling
grin at me one more time
I want my glimpse at eternity

"Fake"

Do you like to hurt me?
Do you like to make me want to cry?
Does it make you feel like a man?
I know I'm younger
I know I don't know as much as you
Book smart at least...
Doesn't mean you need to treat me like a child
You understand my life
Maybe its not a bad thing
Be happy your one of the few fortunate ones on this earth
Without sh*t or money problems in your life
You don't even try to understand
Your like everyone else
Just believing your assumptions
Bitch and complain about how everything sucks
Life's not fair
Why don't you look at what you have
Why cant you see I'm happy in this situation
Without you condescending my lifestyle that I cant help
I want to hit the walls with your ignorance
Rip out my soul with my frustrations
Show you my life raw
You'd never understand...
You don't even care to
Soul mates we are apart
As your close mind closes in
Nothing is true unless someone you have respect for you tells you otherwise
Why don't you respect me?
You believe that it's the oxygen job
To get into your lungs
Life owes you the world
The other people can just suffer
Me and You 
are very different
More than you will ever see
You wont allow yourself
To see anything beyond
Your Fisher Price play pen
With the toys of happy things that smile
Protected by the world
You make it out as if you were better
I'm not pretentious, I really am better
Yeah, that's it
We are the same
just don't use all the potential we have
What you don't understand
While in your pit stop of glory
That we are all passing you up
Living life
Using our lungs to breathe in the air
The bums and the stars
Represent even you
Animalistic ways of life
Ignorance of what's beyond
Depth you do not have
Its what you see as obsolete
Live my life
Then have everyone wonder why
Your the way I am today
Live with no money
No "extravagance"
Try living without knowledge of anything
And learn on your own
Without your knowledge
With out the presets you have
Until then I will have no respect
The extremities of our differences
Are growing more and more
Your misinterpreted love
Is vanishing further away
You feel the love
But do you really?
Symbolism, surrealism, irony
We are the story 
The tales will continue
The theme is death
For you
For you refuse to grow
You aren't living
At least not in your soul
Brainwashed by your teachings
And assumed pretentious thoughts
I love your love
But hate your soul
Its dirty grime
Needs to be cleaned
No dry cleaning please
I don't know what to say
What I believed in
Has proven itself a lie
Different and fake
Evil and bad
This may insult you
And make you feel real bad
But the truth is
I believe among my spectrum of my K-Mart playpen
That what I see now
Is not what you were before
You are different
Maybe now I see the real you
Your a dirty person
A horrible stench
Filth
I see how you feel when make me want to cry
I'm going now
Committing suicide to my heart
And all this knowledge in it

"Except for the Salt"

I watch the waves crash
And I feel myself as one with the animosity
I can feel my body thrusting against the earth
Fearful of my anger
Confusion turns to silence
Turn off the noise with some nidol
Taste the salt of your melting skin
Washing away
Scraping away
Losing my way
Wanting to be cleansed by the roar
Screaming my anxiety out
Moaning into the wind
Growling pain into the sand
Silence
Collapsing into a heap
Weeping into the past
Trembling my fears and pain
Sleep
Wake to the trickle of water upon my feet
The salts excreting pain among my cuts
I really am alive
I am cleansed
Except for the salt

"Somewhere Else"

Somewhere else
In the arms of him
In my bed asleep
On a tree's limb
At nooses end
Choking is staying
Breathing is my want
This is what I'm praying
Inspired to do better 
Let down when done worse
In the letter
Of the bottle without a course
A white desolate room
Sipping a 6 pack of caffeine
Singing melodies of the symphonies
Seems like such a perfect scheme
Never to be judged
To be better than you
In the cold hotel room
Is where my plane flew
In an oblivion
In a perfect land
With the ocean on my back
And the soft silky sand
To be with you
And without
Not needing
Or having a doubt
To have my adrenaline rushed
Putting alcohol on my burn
Letting the chocolate syrup drip down
And let me get what I earn
Somewhere else
Is where I want to be
This place is too much
Such an ugly site to see

"Angel of Death"

I had a dream last night
The angel of death
Took away my everything
The past flashed by
With memories in a brown leather book
There was a letter from you
Saying take me now or f*ck it all
The clothes I wore when I was with you
Were nicely arranged in the memories
Everything in the pockets were still there
As if you or someone
Was obsessive with what we had
I need to let you go
Even though the feelings remain
What have I become
Nothing will ever change
The angel of death took away you
And left me on my own

"Smile in Vain"

I look in the mirror
And can't see me
My facial expressions
Restricted - not free
I am screaming
crying
anxiously awaiting
slowly fading
depression begins quickly
my heart full of fear
will I be like I used to?
Will everyday become unclear?
It's one of those days
Where the fog hides the heat
Covers emotion
And pushes it further- more deep
I sigh
Then smile
Nod
Then laugh
Everything's fine
Yeah.uh huh..that's right
It's in the air
The lights even show 
Everything's dim
Everyone's feelings seem to know
My stomach is burning
My body throbbing 
Light headed today
My blood pressures dropping
Look in the mirror
See the pain
Slit my emotions
Then smile in vain

"Needle Tears a Hole"

I sit in my room
With tears streaking my face
The uncontrollable jolts
Of breath and sobs intervening
The needle I take
Open it up
Scratch the feeling back into me
Take me away from realities pain
Bring me back to my immorality
Blurring weightlessly down the page
-Down-
-Down-
-Down-
Summers breeze
Along the clouds thin line
Between air and matter
Soothing my derange
Strumming through my vessels
And into my brain
The pain
The depression
All softly vanish away
Now here I am
Sitting here alone
After this needle saved my pain

"Psychotic"

I want to starve
Myself to wear my ribs show through
I want to cut
Myself till the bittersweet blood runs cool
I want to cry
About nothing at all
I want to Rage
Against everything till I fall
I like the rusty taste
Of the warm liquid drool
My knuckles cry for walls
To be hit so cruel
I want to be Psychotic
Without any denial
Wear the Angels lingerie
With the Devils smirkish smile
I want to be
What I was before
I want to shine
As the midnight's galore

"Raspberry Red"

I think back on my life
and wonder
is it truth or just a lie
You beg me to believe you
Torturing me with words I cant comply 
Truth as you call it
But really what does it mean
Am I falling in the trap
Or did the trap rescue me
Cold hands I bare
As the night moves on
sleep is all I can think of
yet still awake I am for long
nightmares I receive
are fewer everyday
cries I growl
shuffle all into pain
The deep dark secret
You may or may not hold
The doubt implanted
was it lies or truth I was told
meaningless
and pleasure
discrete into 6
what happened here
please tell me why
I'm stressing over this
to cry and scream
hit and cut
Pain immortalized
happiness carved in vain
dead roses I see
as dry as my heart
mind and emotion
are traveling apart
skip a stone into the ocean
will you come back
ducks in the harbor
don't quack just yet
red raspberry 
or black olives
yellow stripped tape
is what I dissolve in
scream to me
tell me the truth
leave you as I must
or stay until dusk
I cant get warm
problem solved
how worthless
hopes in that I believe
are wrong
I have been deceived
clip my throat
no food around there
masquerade ball
just take me away
get rid of my fear

"Images Afloat"

the cuts so ragged
So jagged and sharp
Why cant I have you
the images flash into my mind
In the shower I can see the blood
Running down the white tiled floor
Shivering in satisfaction
And crying in desperation
Why would I do it
I see no logic
But the trickling oozing rusty liquid
Scraping all the pain away
Fascinates my Psychotic self
Writing with my blood on bathroom stalls
Showing you the pain you caused me
Feeling my thoughts slither away
Like the clouds on a windy day
Numbness to the world
Sleeping through the pain
Impoverished greedy trite
spoiled and dried throughout the night
Shapes and tattoos of blood goo
Sickens me to know I think these thoughts
Sickens me to know I'm this way
But sometimes as my anger fuels me
I can see those images 
Of the past
Lingering in my mind
Like sugar plums
In a child's wondering fright