" MOREY'S NOREASTER "
Jesus, sweet Jesus, take away this pain
Oh my God, it is too much for me to bear.
The screaming is overwhelming me.
I lay down to rest, and the knawling begins.
Words and places flood through me like a downpour of summer rain.
The waves of him wash over me.
I bolt upright in bed, running for pencil and paper to let it out.
My hands shake as I write this.
Why?
What is it about me that this always happens?
Do I say the right things?
Do I say the wrong things?
WHAT?
I give love unselfishly.
Only to please him and his happiness.
I don't ask in return.
It is given to me anyway.
A plentiful bounty.
I grow,
I flourish,
I become finally with a purpose.
I let him take me. Here. Take me.
I am yours to hold and shape into your perfect Woman.
Bending is effortless. I am his perfect contour. A second skin.
It feels good... the closeness. The bond between him and I.
We shared with each other.
I gave him the sea...
He promised the mountains.
I gave him New York City...
He promised quiet and solitude.
I gave him CheeseSteaks and soft pretzels...
He promised me lunch in a patrol car.
I gave him my heart...
He promised me his.
Herein lies my pain. My heart is void yet again.
I did not hear the train coming towards me.
For the first tyme in my life,
Love,
was not the train.
For I saw him too letting the train pass,
As he stood on the other side of the track facing me.
We smiled at one another as the wind blew in our faces.
Thinking how lucky we both were to be out of harms way.
We joked and thought we ARE going to live through this.
We have one another to heal and become strong again.
So I gave.
So he took.
I gave something more valuable than the pot of gold at a rainbows end.
I gave him my soul...
He was the rainbow. He was all the colors of the sun.
So I stared directly into the sun. My eyes unprotected and wide open.
My eyes were always wide open.
His were shaded.
Funny thing is though, I thought I saw clarity in them.
How can you look into the sun, and not see truth?
When did it turn from sunlight to overcast?
What did I do to make you see things differently?
At what point did I remind you of what you were missing?
Jesus, I wish this would quiet down in my head.
I gave you myself, what more did I have to give you?
The price of happiness wears a false face.
I would give my very life to believe again when told; "I love you."
How can I trust anyone who says that to me?
For the trust placed in you was a diamond.
The most beautiful and precious of gems.
You held it in your hands, and crushed it to worthless dust.
I look out my window and see the world around me.
The trees are green and lush. Grass needs mowing. Birds chirp and flirt with each other.
Meaningless.
Nothing has substance in a dark hole. They are just there.
The Noreaster.
A mighty storm with howling winds.
A mighty ride at the Jersey Shore.
It twists and turns and people scream.
I scream sitting still.
The illusion of crashing into walls and twisted painted steel.
No illusion here. I am the twisted steel.
Remember how I said the ride sounded like a Noreaster.
You didn't know what that meant. I said a great Canadian storm it was.
The wind howls at night as it blows down upon us.
The ride did so sound like it rolling past.
Later we discovered it was indeed called the Noreaster.
I can still see the look in your eyes as you thought I knew that sound.
Oh Sweet Jesus.
That is how I feel. Finally, NOW, I can put my finger on it.
The sudden stop of the ride.
How it was flying down the track, only to come to a jolting stop.
I wanted to feel that so badly.
To experience that total sudden impact of all the G force behind the ride.
That is how I feel now.
I was riding you like a Nor-Easter.
You were the wind.
I...
everything in your way.
It is sad upon reflect of my thoughts.
All that was sweet, has turned unmistakably bitter.
I used to love that word.
BitterSweet.
I don't anymore. I loathe it.
Do I loathe you?
No.
I love you.
The truth being, I am afraid for you.
Why is it, we love pain?
You return to nothingness.
To more of the same... nothing.
Yes, the child.
What of the Man?
More nights alone in your thoughts.
Will you hear me screaming in your head?
Will you feel the warmth of my mouth, as you try to sleep?
The softness of my body under you when you toss and turn?
Will you taste my mouth as you long to be kissed passionately?
Will your hand extend to her as she passes by your side of the bed as it did to me?
Oh how I loved when you pulled me into bed like that.
I am just kidding myself here yet again.
A writers fantasy as I indulge my ego yet again.
Valid questions though...
Aren't they?
As for myself,
When you left my side at the airport, the screaming began.
For I knew, as I told you before, it would never be the same.
The pain I felt when you were here was immense.
Did I hide it well?
Love him strong while he wants you Nancy, as he will take leave of you soon.
Perhaps, I thought yet again, with that thought, I was fooling myself.
Maybe, just maybe, he really does love me?
I felt so safe on that ferris wheel high atop Morey's Pier.
You were my knight in shining amour.
I thought as I sat with my eyes closed on that ride,
Of the words you had written to me just that morning:
"Hi Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I just wanted to let you know how much I Love You.
Thank You for last night it was truly an experience out of this world."
I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To Infinity and beyond!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love...
Yes, I felt safe.
Again...
Do I hate you?
No.
I love you.
Love and Hate...
Best Friends, Lovers, and Enemies.
BitterSweet.
" MOREY'S NOREASTER "
©
Original Work Written By
Nancy Imelda Schafer
August 6, 1996
10:40 AM EDT
Number: 080696
AUTHORS NOTES
Will you ever look at a yellow cab the same way again?????
I don't think he was wearing his Turban... was he?
I will take care of our baby... Corel.
If you called me tomorrow do you think I would come?
Are there cabs in NYC????
Tic, Tac, Toe anyone?
LOOK...
IT'S THE METLIFE BUILDING!!!!!
Look...
LETTERMAN'S STUDIO!!!!!
Look...
Here is My Ocean.
Taste...
A TastyKake.
Taste...
A REAL CheeseSteak.
Feel...
My body envelope you.
LOOK...
That guy hopped on a moving truck!!!!!!
Sit...
In my theater with me.
Listen...
To my music.
Hear...
My heart beating.
Feel...
My hands rubbing the top of your head.
Taste...
My mouth.
Hear...
My voice as you woke me.
Feel...
The gentle touches to your fingers and toes.
See...
The Bird Of Paradise I carried in my arms.
Taste...
My potato salad.
Listen...
To my moans when we made love.
Smell...
My Giorgio.
Hear...
The sound of the sea against the breaker we walked.
Touch...
With your left index and middle fingers extended.
Feel...
The humidity of Jersey.
Taste...
Jersey sweet corn and tomatoes.
Smell...
My hair as I nuzzle against your neck.
See...
James Dean, Marilyn, and Elvis at Top Kat.
Taste...
Salt Water Taffy.
See...?
See the horizon?
Hear...
Me say; "That's how much I love you."
Hear...
My heart breaking?
----------------------------------------------
NaNcY ImElDa ScHaFeR
" MOREY'S NOREASTER "
Friends...
Morey's Pier is indeed a real place. It is in Wildwood, New Jersey. I have gone there for years. This ride IS awesome. ( I was chicken chit ) You sit, and your feet dangle. The track is above you. Kewl.
Wildwood. One of my favorite places in New Jersey. There is a look at that ride too. Keep it up Morey's. I'll stick to that giant wheel of your's.
Posted January 24, 1997
spyder@pics.com
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