Nancy Imelda Schafer

"The Mistress... BitterSweet"

.. I ..
- The Beginning -

Mistress.
Is that a pretty word to you?
A nice word?
A word that conjures up images of a grand Woman?

It depends what side of the fence you are on.

To the wife...
She is a whore,
A bitch,
A slut.

A thing incapable of seeing beyond her own needs. How dare she come into my life and destroy all we have worked for? All the years we have been together, and now this... This BITCH... threatens to take it all away from me. How dare she? Doesn't she know we have 4 kids, a $ 200K home, 2 cars and a minivan? We both work 50 hour weeks to pay for it all, and collapse dead tried from it. Doesn't she have a heart?

To the husband...
She is his sanity,
The patch for the gaping whole in his soul.
His passion.

But what about her?
The mistress?

She is just a Woman.
Average.
Working
Probably has kids.
She could be married or single,
It doesn't matter.

For one reason or another,
she has chosen to love a married man.

She knows:
Loving a married man...
Who has no intention of ever marrying her.
But who loves her nonetheless.
A man who will never spend a holiday with her,
or a weekend.
He will never promise anything,
except to call you tomorrow,
and apologies profusely when he doesn't.
Who will look the other way if they pass on the street.
(and have a silent heart attack)
And she knows...
He is a liar.

Is that harsh?
No.
He,
after all,
is cheating on his wife.

But why?

Cheating on your wife...
Unfaithful...
running around.

What has driven him to this?

Years of the same road.
Long, work filled days.
Nights of dinner, TV, and then sleep.
Bowling on Thursday night,
Tennis after work occasionally.
Sex that is routine...
and usually over in 15 minutes.
After all the years of the same thing...
nothing new or fresh is explored.
Kissing is a peck goodnight,
...And oral sex
is
a thing of the past.
Just when DID that go away anyhow?
1 year in the marriage maybe?
So what is in-between for him?
More of the same?

What happened to the tenderness?
To the cuddling...
To the whispers of sweet nastys...
and the devilish grins they bring?
What happened to the spontaneous sex...
anywhere,
anytyme,
in the house?
What happened to the passion?
When did this happen?

.. 2 ..
- Limbo -

How does he make up his mind he is going to have an affair?
He doesn't...
it just happens.
One minute he was boring...
and the next,
his head(s) are spinning.
He loves it
He hates it
He loves it
He loves it
He loves it

Where does he find her?
She is his secretary.
The supermarket checker.
His lawyer.
The woman who comes in at the same tyme as him,
every morning for coffee at the 7-11.
.... He finds her in a Online Chat room....

No matter how he finds her,
his stomach and mind are starting to melt down.
Tingles in his groin when he sees her.
Tingles in his groin,
when he thinks of her at night as he tries to sleep.

The tingles persist.
He looks over at his wife.
Oh, the thought of having her mouth engulf me now...
his eyes shut,
Ohhh.
But,
he knows asking would result in rejection...
and after so many of them,
he has given up to the comfort of his own hand.
( Sad )

-- Scenario 1 --

Then,
unknowingly,
he reaches out to her.
How?
A glance that lasts a little too long she caught.
A smile that comes to his face when he sees her,
a smile he tries to fight,
but can't contain.
OH MY GOD!
SHE SMILED BACK!!!!!!
..... Wait .....
There is someone standing behind me... right?
He looks back.
Nope.
She was smiling at me!!!!!
Yaow!
Tingles
Tingles
Holy shit...
it still works without help!!!
Manomanomanoman

-- Scenario 2 --

..In a Online Chat room..
Night after night he tries to talk to this woman.
She ignores me,
I try to be polite,
to be intelligent.
What does her profile of member intrest's say?...
" An Intelligent, Passionate Man
that can make me giggle too...
does he really exist? "

OK,
OK,
...I can do that
He types a message to her;
" Yes, he does, here I am!! "
SHIT !
She EXCLUDED me!

Then...
one night,
he simply says to her;
" Hello "
She listens...
she doesn't cut and paste his comments to the room.
Maybe even returns a 'hello',
after 10 times from you
SHE SAID HELLO!

You talk,
become "Chat Buddies."
Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
Night after night.
She has made me say things to her,
that I thought I never could.
Not really forced me,
but saying them to her was natural.
How does she do that?

>>>]]]]]]======== §§ =========>>>>-- She is Listening
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-> Always Listening

A phone number is given.
It begins.
The line has been crossed.
That invisible line that is between ' Chat Buddies '...
and The Possibility.

.. 3 ..
Appetizers

In either case...
you talk on the phone.
The voice outside the usual setting.
What is she wearing now?
Do I dare ask?
No...
she'll hang up.
( Would she? )
Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
" Would you meet me for coffee or a drink? "
OH MY !
She said YES !

The day of the meeting is...
BitterSweet.
A mixture between nausea,
and your heads blowing off your body.
The feeling of being 17 again.
The anticipation,
the desire,
the want,
the passion.
( Your scared shitless )
and loving every moment of it.
It's only 3:00?
Oh God..it's already 3:00.
BitterSweet

Tingles

You are late
Traffic
SHIT !
She probably left.
Is that her?
YES !
Manomanomanoman.
Do I really wanna do this?
I dono
Yep
I dono
Yep
Yep
Yep
Yep
Deep breath...
here I go.

It was wonderful.
We talked like we knew each other for years.
She actually understands what I'm saying.
She cares about what I'm saying.
Why would she care to hear about concrete and saw cuts?
She asked questions like she was writing a book.
:-}{-:
{s Ohmy}
She remembered things I had said.
How did she get into my head like this?
>>>]]]]]]======== §§ =========>>>>------- ---- ---- She Listens
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-> And Cares
I like this.
We kiss.

Another line is crossed.

.. 4 ..
.. The Affair ..

And so it begins...
this two sided coin.

Tails...
The unfaithfulness.
The never ending string of lies,
of breath holding.
Cold sweats... queries from wifey.
Hopping from car to car.
' Sneaking around '
Learning how to tap dance with feet bound.

Heads...
The joy.
Loving... and being loved again.
The passion.
Lovemaking...
the kind that turns your skin red for hours after.
That giddy feeling.
Having people tell you;
" Hey, you look great today, are you high man? "
Hearing her heartbeat everywhere you go.

.. 5 ..
- The Players -

- The Man -

It is a scary tyme in his life.
He has taken on another person into his soul.
One who does not belong there,
but must remain,
and will remain,
Until the screaming in his head gets too loud.
He feels like a new man,
more confident,
happy.
His body is alive.
The whole in his soul has been repaired.

-The Mistress-

I am a Mistress.
I was a Mistress before.
Married 15 years with a child.

Why?
I still don't understand completely for sure.
It is BitterSweet.
A word I love.
Equal good and bad,
one never outweighing the other...
a balance of emotions if you will.

To love a married man is BitterSweet.
It is an awesome responsibility.
Here is a man...
obviously needing something that is missing in him.
Although, he doesn't know what exactly is missing...
it just is.
I have to find it.

Once found...
giving it back to him is my greatest pleasure.
He takes and gives back with such passion.
Giving it to him...
unconditionally,
is the only way it will work.
Putting terms and limits on anything we do,
would constitute a promise.
He is incapable of promises.
I know this,
I accept it.
Believe it or not,
Such an arrangement brings more then less.
No pressure.

The only thing's I ask from my lover are
Trust And Respect.
I need to trust him as it applies to me and our tymes together.
I need him to respect me.
Without the two,
it would be impossible.

Loving a married man is work.
I have a responsibility to him.
I let him know...
I would always respect the fact his family comes first.
Always, first and foremost.
To guard our tymes and places together with my life.
What we do together is between only us.
The confidence he placed in me will be kept at all costs.
I want him to know,
he can tell me anything, without hesitation.
I give opinions only when asked.
I am here to listen and comfort him.
His happiness...
I love him.

I make love to him.
Like he likes,
like he wants,
like he needs.
Like he never has before.
There is no asking...
I just do.
I love to please him.
To hear him moan in ecstasy.
To make his body not only feel like 17 again...
but perform like it too,
and it does.

I give him oral sex.
I listen as I do to his body react.
His muscles tense, and relax.
His breathing.
The most beautiful high pitched moans.
Hearing my name called over and over again.
My hair being pulled and mussed.

He never has to ask...
E V E R.
It is my pleasure,
It is a pleasure.

Of all the things he enjoys most...
kissing makes him nuts.
A kiss is the beginning,
middle,
and living end.
A night of soft music,
intense kissing and touch is a wonderful thing.

And I know,
this is something he will never get at home.

I must be careful of things I do.
No perfume.
Makeup that is dependable.
No marks on the skin
( not easy to do ).

I love this Man.
Weather it is morally acceptable or not,
I love him.
He is mine alone when he comes to me.
I am in his head for him when he screams.
I am his friend,
confidant,
Lover.
And I listen when he talks.
I am his Mistress.
His sanity...
and insanity.

BitterSweet
...

--The Affair--

Sometymes, as awful as it may be for some to consider,
An affair is just what is needed to save a marriage.
Why save a marriage that is bad enough that one needs to seek another?
Well, there are allot of reasons.
One being the length of tyme married.
It seems after the 12 year mark we are in it forever.
The responsibility to your spouse.
The children.
Two parents are always better than one.
Oddly enough,
I find more Men are willing to stick it out in a bad marriage then a woman.
Be it good or bad, a man grows accustom to routine.
Work, wife, family.
Work, wife, family.
It is comforting to him somehow that will not change.
Meanwhile, the woman, sad as it may be,
is probably responsible for the children and working at the same tyme.
Although the man will say he took care of the children too,
a woman most likely did the cooking,
cleaning,
wash,
and food shopping.
Just to mention a few of the fringe benefits of wifeyhood.
for her,
leaving a relationship that has died really wouldn't be that much different then if she stayed.
A loss of income, certainly, but beyond that,
never underestimate her.

If one does believe however that they really do love their spouse,
but need whatever it is that's missing back in their life,
an affair will help.
Sad be it that the spouse is unable to provide all that is necessary,
the lover is.
Your lover will make love to you till you scream.
That makes the sleeping spouse tolerable at home.
Your lover will listen to you, and the brush off from wifey, is easier to take.
You enjoy moments more intensely now.
Tyme is so scarce for all life has to offer,
stepping back and enjoying it when possible is fun now.
The pressure has been vented.

Yes,
there is always the clear and present danger of discovery.
This makes it more exciting to some.
To others,
the possibility of being 'caught',
ruins all the pleasure that could be enjoyed.
Thus ending the affair,
going back to the humdrum business as usual.
I feel sorry for them.
They are content to just survive.

That is not what life is all about.

Life is to live and love.
Every moment to the fullest,
As if it were your last.
Enjoy.

Bravado.

©

Written by

S.D. February 1, 1996
F.D. February 25, 1996
9:25pm (EST)

......................................
# 022596

Reference:
Me.